


Rejuvenated Regrets

by citrusella



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: (but not like in the sense that the character wants to die, (not sure if set during the movie, Angst, Gen, Parent Death, Steven Universe: The Movie, Suicidal Ideation, just that it would probably come as a consequence of something else they consider doing), or post movie in a universe where Steven didn't get his powers back), the short of it is Steven misses Rose okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 13:57:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21411307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrusella/pseuds/citrusella
Summary: Someone calls Steven's name from downstairs. He's not listening closely enough to know who it is. He's not sure he cares right this moment.He wants Mom—Rose—Pink—and that's the one person he knows it's not.
Relationships: Rose Quartz & Steven Universe
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54
Collections: "Finish Your WIPs or Be Forced to Post Them Unfinished" Month: A NaNoWriMo Alternative





	Rejuvenated Regrets

Steven… really needs his mother right now, even if he would never admit it.

It seems like every new thing he learns about her is worse than the last.

She kept secrets.

She locked Bismuth away.

She shattered Pink Diamond.

She _was_ Pink Diamond.

And now come to find out she left someone to wait for 6000 years?

He wonders if it'd be different if she hadn't given up her physical form, if he'd be like those kids on TV all embarrassed by their moms and never wanting to be seen with them (though the thought is (briefly) amusing, he imagines the answer is "no").

But what he knows right now? What he doesn't have to wonder or process or ruminate on?

He _needs_ her. Not Garnet, or Amethyst, or Pearl, or Dad, as wonderful as they all are, but _her_. Not in that room-Rose, surface-level-yet-deep, upset-about-her-past sort of way (though, yes, he does have questions he needs to ask, decisions he wants to understand). Just…

…he guesses it's one of those days.

His gem's not working, and he has to wonder if that's why he wants her so bad _right now_. It was _her_ gem; maybe she'd be able to help.

…No, it's _his_ gem now—she's _gone_—but maybe—

Wait, no, he was rejuvenated, too, so maybe if his gem had been—

His left hand clasps around the Pink Diamond—Rose Quartz—_Steven Universe_—it's him, it's _always been_ him, but maybe it's not now?—gem through his shirt and he has to firmly, _consciously_ tell himself to loosen his grip.

…If he pulls it out, it probably won't even be _her_, not really. After all, it's been rejuvenated. Will it remember getting separated from him? Will it have any of her memories? Of his memories?

He reminds himself that as awful as even the worst stretch of his gem being on the fritz gets, having it out entirely will be one hundred times worse, a burning cold creep of death that tangibly tries its hardest to assert itself across every one of his cells in a slow wave and yet all at once, his mind's LP limited to the single track of "want to, have to, _need to_". Perhaps even worse, if his rejuvenated gem half doesn't feel the same way.

No, as much as his mind explores the possible outcomes of such a scenario, he is truly, deeply sure that he does not want to _die_.

There's no such thing as happily ever after, but Steven doesn't want to believe he can feel much worse than this, either, even though he knows from experience that such a thing is indeed possible.

Someone calls his name from downstairs. He's not listening closely enough to know who it is. He's not sure he cares right this moment.

He wants Mom—Rose—Pink—and that's the one person he knows it's not.


End file.
